jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
