My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
