Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
True strength comes from lack of pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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