I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
