dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
