did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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