Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
