Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
