Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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