Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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