His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
