Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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