I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize