so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
