Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize