Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
