You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
