So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
