There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
