I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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