i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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