I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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