and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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