remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
