Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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