I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
