I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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