By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got inside last night via doggy door
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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