Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize