i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
