they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
