i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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