So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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