why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
