In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
