I look better un-naked...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
