You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
