So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
