Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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