All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
