9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
