four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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