Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize