I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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