He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
