I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
