He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
