u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
