I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
