Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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