butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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