we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
