Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize