I skipped work to stalk him.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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