tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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