if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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