Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
