goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize