the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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