I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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