the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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