He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
