I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
