you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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