I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
