if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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