my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
