You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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